#8 Grace Music

The group was tired.  What had seemed impossible to achieve at the beginning of the first week was still proving impossible near the end of the second. 

Elaria was beside herself.  Never had she seen a clumsier group of men. They were oafs.  They had no idea how to use their bodies.  Their alignment!  

      "Échappé, I said!" she spat.  "Try!  One more time." She demonstrated the delicate maneuver with precise control.

         "From fifth position out to second. We will commence from the slow arabesque over your logo, through the enchaînement which, as we have been rehearsing for absolument days on end, is to pass all the way through to the exhaust replacement and beyond that to the wheel change, and then finally extend into the échappé that symbolises completion of entire pit sequence, so hold, hold, hold!  Now, to the arabesque; upper body straight, left leg stretched out to the left, turn it out and remember, respect the Renault!  So, on the count of three…."

The rehearsal pianist resumed dreamy impressionistic French music but it was barely audible over the thumping of the men stumbling around in their pointe shoes.  Loud cracks from sacs of synovial fluid releasing gas inside knee and ankle joints cut through the confusion; several of the men could do with an emergency course of fish oil and an osteopath.   

Elaria was disgusted.

      "The only grace here is the saving grace of your Sponsor who, after observing your training yesterday, has thankfully extended it," sneered the Grande Dame, surveying the chaos of the men attempting to disentangle their limbs from around the car and bracing themselves for more vitriol from her mean and violent tongue.  

©LolaPerrin2010

#7 Breakfast Music

      "What would you like on your wheat flour, water , yeast , fermented wheat flour,  salt, vegetable fat , emulsifiers E471, E472e , flour treatment agent: ascorbic acid, vegetable oil,E481, preservative calcium propionate (added to inhibit mould growth), vitamin C, spirit vinegar, (mono- and di-acetyltartaric esters of mono- and di-glycerides of fatty acids), calcium propionate,temptext2, flavouring, extracts derived from natural  fermentation, wholemeal flour, kibbled malted wheat ,sugar, wheat protein , malted barley flour, vinegar, 61% wholegrain wholemeal kibbled malted wheat, malted barley flour, linseed, cracked wheat ,toasted kibbled soya ,wheat protein, vegetable fat, temptext0temptext1 ,wheat gluten, barley malt flour, oatmeal(13%), wheat bran ,wheat gluten and muscovado sugar this morning darling?  Toasted plain with butter, or something else to jazz it up a little?"

©LolaPerrin2010

 # 6 Park Music

     "I am going to sue you, you complete imbeciles!"

      "Calm down, calm down."

     "Where is she?  She should have been in every single one of these photographs!"

His voice was shaking.

       "Where is she?  Look, why is she not on the bench?  And not in front of that fountain?  And not next to those roses?  When I took the pictures she was in them, in every single one, that's why we went to the park in the first place!"

        "Calm yourself.  Are you sure?  What is her name then?"

         "That's none of your business.  And that's not the point. I wanted to get prints for once because these are my last photographs of her!"

        "Ah, your last?  How so?"

        "She left me just after."

        "Well, obviously she not only left the photographer, but also the photographs.  This is the digital age you know.  Where have you been since 2030?

         "Huh?"

©LolaPerrin2010

#5 Harmonious Music

    "This is a bit embarrassing," whispered Loosey, who'd changed the spelling of her name by deed poll, (but that's another story), "I don't know where to start."

Karl performed a deep and harmonious cough, almost completely in tune with itself and sounding like a band of gypsies blowing medieval pipes from within his lungs.  Loosey estimated the chord was closest to Eb with a fourth.   After momentarily pausing to splutter the single utterance, "Quite!", Karl produced a further offering; this time varied enough in pitch and tone to score for an expanded orchestra.  Simultaneously, he fished a hard sweet from his pocket.  Placing it inside his mouth inside the beard he began to suck hard, and this seemed to do the trick. 

 

A silence fell giving both the chance to take stock and examine the neutral territory, sparse but for the circle of white plastic chairs placed around the centre of the room.

    "Well, let's start by sitting comfortably."

This was tough.  They knew they were due for an argument; it was probably easy once they'd managed to locate the first words.  Loosey wished she wasn't such a failure that it had come to this, and Karl wished he could smoke.  Awkwardly, they settled into two random chairs.

    "It's pretty obvious neither of us have done this before.  They didn't match us very well did they?  Would have been better if we weren't both newbies."

     "Let's make the best of it shall we?"  Loosey was getting frustrated.  "How about we begin the way they suggested, look what it says here…" She was pointing to the literature they'd been handed at reception, "get into the mindset of your friends who regularly argue; if necessary role play and become those friends. Well, I'll think of Melly and Mit.  I've known them for years; they told me their arguments could be scripts by Beckett, or Bleasdale. "

Karl didn't respond.  She tried again.

     "Well, who will you think of then?"

     "I shall think of my two fish.  And of my vet."

Loosey really couldn't stand him one more minute; he was so difficult!

     "As you wish.  And what shall we argue about?  They didn't give any tips on that bit, did they?"

A silence fell once again, for a long time this time.  A clock on the wall began to tick loudly.

     "Depressing isn't it?  I don't know about you, but-"

She broke off.  Her words were getting lost under a new outbreak from Karl.

       "- I don't know about you but…." Loosey was almost having to shout over his agitated concerto for trombone and timpani, "but it looks like I can't even have a good argument with someone, let alone find the perfect person to share my life with. I'm cancelling my subscription!  To hell with their crummy advertising, it doesn't work.  You can only really have a proper fight with someone you already love."  

Loosey screamed the last words as loud as she could while Karl's coughing threatened to consume them, before slamming the door as she took off, resigning herself to a life of not discordant singledom.

©LolaPerrin2010